Octopus Ink Collection
by Jeff Galterio
If you are interested in collecting the strongest ink on this planet then please read on. Any painting, tattoo, or neighbor hating enthusiast should be well educated about the natural ink of the Octopus and how it is the origin of the color shade “sephia”. 

Tools needed for a quick, effective, and relativley kosher ink extraction

  • 3′ section of PVC pipe or the tube from your favorite beer bong
  • Hypodermic needle w/Syringe (please only use clean sterilized needles to help control the recent HIV out-brake in the Octopi community)
  • 1/4 tbsp of bleech

Finding the Octopus
In order to find the ideal donor octopus you must start by scanning the beach during a negative tide. This is when the octopus will construct a small cave-like pool out of rock and sand. 

Getting the Goods
It is now time to clame the booty. My advice is to take a deep breath, remember the goal of the mission, and walk confidently up to your donors temporary den. Insert the pipe or tubing into the opening of the den and squirt or pour the bleach down the tube and into the pool or water in the den. Take a few steps back behind the den where you are out of the direct vision of the octopus. You will now have to wait anywhere from 5 – 25 minutes depending on how stubborn your target is. The octopus will eventually become slightly aggitated from the bleach and begin exiting the den by leading with four tentacles. Let him fully exit the den and then move in for the steal. The octopus must be flipped over and the “sack like” flubber at the bottom of his head lifted up. The ink gland can now be recognized. Insert the needle and remove about 1cc of octopus ink. This should be enough for about 1 to 2 large paintings.